Planning a wake is something most of us only do once or twice in a lifetime, and it usually comes at a time when you are already dealing with grief. Having a clear idea of what needs to be arranged can help take some of the pressure off and allow you to focus on what really matters: being with family and friends.
This guide walks through the key decisions involved in planning a wake, from choosing a venue to organising food and drinks.
When to Hold the Wake
Most wakes take place on the same day as the funeral, usually straight after the service. This is the most common approach and means guests only need to set aside one day.
Some families prefer to hold the wake on a separate day, particularly if the funeral is a small private service and the wake is intended as a wider gathering. There is no right or wrong answer. It depends on what feels right for your family.
If you are holding the wake on the same day, think about travel time between the service and the venue. A gap of 20 to 30 minutes is usually comfortable.
Choosing a Venue
The venue sets the tone for the gathering. Some families hold wakes at home, but many prefer a separate space where they do not have to worry about setup, catering, or clearing up afterwards. When looking at venues, consider:
Location. Ideally close to the place of worship or crematorium so guests can travel easily between the two. Good transport links help if people are coming from different areas.
Size and layout. It is better to have a room that is slightly too large than one that feels cramped. Some venues offer different sized rooms, so you can choose a space that suits your numbers. Wakes tend to be relaxed, with people coming and going, so a rigid seating plan is rarely needed.
Atmosphere. Look for somewhere warm and comfortable rather than overly formal. A quiet setting away from noisy bars or busy high streets makes a real difference.
Parking and accessibility. Check that the venue is accessible for guests with mobility difficulties, and find out what parking is available nearby. Let guests know the details in advance.
Arranging Catering
Food is an important part of any wake. It gives people a reason to stay, sit together, and talk. You do not need anything elaborate, but having something prepared and ready when guests arrive makes a big difference.
The most common options are:
- Buffets. A cold or hot buffet is the most popular choice. Sandwiches, wraps, sausage rolls, and cakes are all standard. A hot option might include pies or soup, particularly in winter.
- Sit-down meals. Less common but appropriate for smaller, more formal gatherings.
- Tea, coffee, and soft drinks. Always essential, regardless of what else you serve.
If you are using a venue with in-house catering, they will usually have menus or packages designed specifically for wakes. This takes the guesswork out of quantities and costs, and means the food is prepared on-site and ready when you need it.
Let the venue or caterer know about any dietary requirements in advance. Most are used to accommodating different needs as long as they have notice. As a rough guide, catering for around 80% of your expected guests is usually about right for a buffet, since not everyone eats a full meal.
Drinks and the Bar
Many families put money behind the bar for an initial round, after which guests buy their own drinks. This is a perfectly normal arrangement and nobody will think twice about it.
If the venue has a licensed bar, check whether there are any packages available. It is also worth confirming whether you can bring your own drinks, as many licensed venues do not allow this.
Personal Touches
A wake does not need to be elaborate, but small touches can help make it feel personal.
Photos and memory tables. A table with photographs, personal items, or a memory book is a lovely way to celebrate someone’s life. Many families bring framed photos, order of service sheets, or items that had personal significance.
Music. Background music can help set a gentle atmosphere. You might choose music that the person enjoyed, or simply something calm and unobtrusive. Check whether the venue has a sound system you can connect a phone or playlist to.
Readings or speeches. Some families like to say a few words, perhaps sharing a memory or reading a poem. This is entirely optional, but if someone would like to speak, let the venue know so they can arrange a microphone.
Guest Numbers and Dress Code
It can be difficult to predict exactly how many people will attend, since formal RSVPs are unusual. Give the venue your best estimate and ask how flexible they can be if numbers change.
There is no strict rule about dress code. Traditionally, guests wear the same dark or smart clothing they wore to the funeral. If the family has a preference, such as wearing a particular colour, this can be mentioned in the funeral notice.
Working with Your Funeral Director
Many funeral directors are happy to help coordinate the wake as well as the funeral service. They can recommend venues, liaise on your behalf, and help with timings. Many venues are used to working directly with funeral directors to make sure everything is in place without adding to the family’s workload.
A Simple Checklist
- Choose a date and time
- Book a venue and confirm room size
- Arrange catering and confirm dietary needs
- Confirm bar arrangements
- Decide on any personal touches (photos, music, readings)
- Let guests know the venue details and directions
- Confirm parking and accessibility
- Brief the venue or funeral director on any specific requirements
Getting in Touch
If you are looking for a calm, comfortable space for a funeral wake in Bolton, we are happy to help. Our team can work with you or your funeral director to arrange catering, drinks, and the room, so you have one less thing to worry about during a difficult time.
You can call us on 01204 525711 or send an enquiry through our website.
